HoH 5

[Penn Badgley]

Housecalls... please post the houseguests' pictures and dialogues here. PLEASE don't say whose is whose! Thanks.

[RuPaul]

BLake: Do you love me Penn?
Penn: Do I love you my dear? Certainly Absurd, why whats the word? Your voice is lovelier than the chirping
of a bird.
Blake: Actually I find that annoying.
Penn: Well, how about your long golden hair, fit for a princess, not even rapunzel could wear?
Blake: It's frizzy in the mornings.
Penn: .... Um well... uh.... Actually your radiant in the mornings brighter than the sun, witter than a joke with a pun, although if I am honest sometimes you act like a cun-
Blake: Don't say it. What about my nails? Do they look good?
Penn: My dear you don't even need your own top coat, not to mention you smell greater than chicken at roscoes.
Blake: Are you saying I smell like greasy chicken? Are you done trying to rhyme and turn everything into a song? You're kind of being a dick.
Penn: Why my dick is the biggest bout 3 inches long, I'll be biting my tounge while I'm taking off your though.
Blake: Three inches... isn't big Penn... thats like really small. You're quite gay today aren't you?
Penn: GAY merrier than spring time fairies never get fat cause I never eat dairy, One day me and you will marry, have three babies, Tom, Dick, Harry, maybe even a platypus named Perry, are you ok dear you seem a little weary?
Blake: Are you done with this, this rhyming thing? I'll marry you I just have one condition, that you and I can't go to bed mad thats my main mission. I hate conflict and I can't stand tension, I just wanna grow old with you collect a little pension I'll never run from you like those black folks at lynchins oh and when I'm pregnant you feed me nothing but chitlins.
Penn: Oh um... is that a healthy diet for our baby?
Blake: Truthfully I don't want kids Penn, thats why I have wire hangers to excecute kin, that way I always remain petite and tight and who knows I might get pregnant again by the end of the night.
Penn: I don't think I wanna marry you.
Blake (mimicking Penn) : I don't wanna marry you, murder you and carry you, dig it up and bury you cause I'm not really scared of you.
Penn: Um.. I don't think you really have to be scared but I'm a little scared at the moment.
Blake: You will promise till death do us part and on your back I'll pat, but if you can't promise it, I'll just hold you to that.

[RuPaul]

Blake: I think that lunch with your mother actually went pretty well.
Penn: Yeah I agree... if you ignore the fact that people were staring at me the whole meal.
Blake: OMG you SERIOUSLY gonna start this again?
Penn: Start what? I'm just pointing out the obvious here. This shirt that you picked out for me was -
Blake: It's a shirt! Just a shirt! Do you really think that everyone was staring at you because you were wearing a salmon coloured shirt.
Penn: Pink shirt, for the rec-
Blake: Salmon is a colour! A completely different colour from pink! Its masculine.
Penn: LOL, you must masculine in a Tom Cruise kinda way?
Blake: NO! Masculine in a Chuck Norris kind of way! Happy now?
Penn: (dramatically pauses) Did you just compare *me* to the one and only *Chuck Norris*? The most manly of men on the entire planet.
Blake: (whispers to herself) Oh god, what have I started?
Penn: You must really think highly of me. I'm flattered even.
Blake: Ugh you can be unsufferable sometimes...
Penn: No really, I mean, for you to compare me to Chuck Norris... I didn't realize I had that effect on you.
Blake: I didn't compare you to him, I compared the shirt.
Penn: Yeah, but I'm wearing the shirt, and therefore-
Blake: PINK! THE SHIRT IS PINK! Bright Pink! And for the record, I didn't mention this but your pants are bright purple. There is nothing masculine about it at all, I just thought it looked good. Can I please have just one moment of peace?
Penn: FINE. fine.

*15 second pause*

Penn: So... you think that I look good in pink and purple, do ya?
Blake: UGH!

[RuPaul]

Penn: Great, here comes the damn paparazzi again
Blake: I knew I should have worn that Chanel top
Penn: Chanel on Hollywood Boulevard?
Blake: Yes I signed an endorsement deal with them for 2011
Penn: I didn’t even think you knew what an endorsement was…
Blake: It’s when you endorse something obviously
Penn: And what is endorsing something?
Blake: Ya know like, ya know what who cares I like being a valley girl
Penn: Hope those cameras don’t have sound
Blake: Why?
Penn: Cause you just sounded really stupid
Blake: It’s Hollywood people don’t expect us to be smart
Penn: I guess they expect us to be dumb then right?
Blake: I dunno
Penn: You just made my point for me. Thanks
Blake: Sometimes you can be so sarcastic
Penn: And sometimes I thank God you’re at least good looking
Blake: That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me all day!
Penn: Don’t get used to it!

[RuPaul]

Dialogue:

Penn: (staring intently) Babe, do you see all those paparazzi, they're just waiting for us to show up for the interview.

Blake: I know, can you believe it, we're heading to our first PB&J blog interview for the newest Rolling Stone.

Penn: I'm still shocked they asked us to meet up this morning, we only got the call last night. I mean, the blog has just become such a hit lately.

Blake: Yeah, but please baby, don't use words like "man oil" anywhere in the interview. It kinda grosses me out.

Penn:Oh, i promise I wont, as long as i can contain the gas from the chili we just had at that deli. *(chuckles)*

Blake: Oh stop it *(giggles)* Let's go, we cant be late!

[Lucy Liu]

Don't know if it matters, but this person only left a link to the picture instead of the picture itself.



Penn: You know, the paparazzi is really starting to irritate me.

Blake: Do I look okay?

Penn: What?! Here I am afraid that I'm going to be in the bathroom saying goodbye to the lunch we just had and some paparazzi asshole is going to pop up out of no where and capture the image, and you're worried about how you look?

Blake: Listen, when you walk out the door knowing you should have worn your Prada heels rather than last Spring's Gucci shoes then we'll talk about problems. For now, just smile and wave.

[Lucy Liu]

Photographer: “Give me sexy, give me sexy!”
*Blake and Penn doing fierce modeling poses*
Blake: “This was such a great idea, Penn. A photo shoot in Hawaii without having to BE in Hawaii.”
*Blake strikes another model pose*
Blake: “I’m so hot, I love it. But why the hell did you cover yourself in green?”
*Penn striking more masculine, yet still fierce poses”
Penn: “Same concept as the green screen. They’re going to digitally transform me into a giraffe. I always wanted to be one.*
*Blake stops posing, staring at Penn*
Blake: “Wait, so the concept of this photo shoot is me, in Hawaii, next to a giraffe?*
*Penn, still posing*
Penn: “Yeah! I like to call it, ‘Island Safari’ “
Blake: *chuckles* “Ok…”
*Blake, returning to posing*
Blake: “At least they won’t touch this beautiful face.”
Penn: “You’re right, but they also have a program to manipulate your breasts”
*Blake stops*
Blake: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY PENN?! MY BOOBS ARE JUST FINE!”
Penn: “No, no, no, no, no, you’re completely right. Your boobs are great. Just imagine it as plastic surgery without having to go under the knife.”
Blake: *On the verge of tears* I’m leaving!
*Penn grabs Blake by the arm*
Penn: “Wait…I’m sorry Blake. You know I think you’re beautiful. “
Blake: *Tear streaming down face, pouting* “You just called me fat and ugly…”
Penn: “No, I said you’re beautiful. And you’re also a strong woman. Don’t let this defeat you Blake! Do this for yourself. The Blake I know would…”
Blake: “You’re right.” *Wipes away tears* “Let’s finish this!”
*Blake and Penn returning the camera, striking even fiercer modeling poses*
Penn: “…So we can still enhance your boobs, right?”

[Lucy Liu]

Blake: What a beautiful day!
Penn: Yes, its very nice out.
Blake: It's almost unreal! I wonder if it's real or pretend
Penn: What do you mean pretend?
Blake: Well it's just so nice out that it's unreal
Penn: I know you just said that to me before
Blake: Oh I did?
Penn: Yeah like 5 seconds ago
Blake: I'm so pretty
*Penn mutters under his breath "Just keep smiling, just keep smiling"*
Penn: I love the Starz, they may be lazy, but they are our Starz!
Blake: Where are the Starz I only see the sun?
*Penn mutters under his breath "Just keep smiling, just keep smiling"*

[Lucy Liu]

Blake: So Penn dear… why is it so dark?
Penn: Well it is night time after all…. *puzzled*
Blake: That’s not what I meant!
Penn: Hey, sometimes I can be the smart one!
Blake: I hope some of these houseguests spent some time on their picture.
Penn: Well that is how we ended up here isn’t it?
Blake: Yep, with all their extensions it definitely led to some free time for us.
Penn: But now we’re alone in the dark?
Blake: Not completely alone…
*RuPaul strikes Penn from behind*
Penn: Aaaahhhhh!........ Oooohhhh!

[Lucy Liu]

Penn: SO DO U LIEK MY PINK HAIR? I DID IT TO MATCH THE BOARD. LULZ.
Blake: Yah, sure, do you like my outfit? U R DA SUNSHINE OF MAH LIFE.
Penn: Yuh look like raggedy ann threw up a sunset. TROLOLOLOLOLOLO
Blake: OMGAWD, DANKS THAT IS SO SWEET. I LAHV YOU SO MUCH.
Penn: Okay, me too<3 Dis week is GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN WITH (Insert my name here) AS HOH!
Blake: Yah, I know rite? Let's choose this one.
Penn: DATS WHAT I WUZ THINKING. OMG I LOVE YOU.
Blake: Yeah, okie.
Penn: brb, posting competition results.
Blake: Okie.
Penn: BAI, I MISS YOU